Rude Responses to Rude Questions

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Since getting married, I have been asked a lot of rude questions.

I was not really aware of it at first and just sort of fielded them as they came until I realized that certain questions were repeating themselves with increasing rudeness and frequency.

I have, therefore, come up with the following list:

RUDE ANSWERS TO RUDE QUESTIONS I HAVE BEEN ASKED SINCE GETTING MARRIED (with bonus reactions both internal and external)
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The Second Annual Margo Awards

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Welcome back for the Second Annual Margo Awards!

If you need a refresher on the origin of the awards, you can check out the original post here.

Before we begin, I have a few notes about the first awards. Last year I was very on top of things. I had read 100 books in 2013, which was actually what prompted the idea of a books-awards-show-type post in the first place. I had plenty of material to choose from, and I had the post written and ready to go on the night of the actual Academy Awards. I posted it after I finished watching the show start to finish. What a champ.

Unlike 2013, however, I did not read 100 books in 2014.

I read 17.

Yes. That is all. I am sad about it.
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Bridechilla: On Having Some Work Done

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Thus far I have failed to provide you with any great stories about the experience that was Our Big Fat Lovely Wedding. And this is a damn disgrace, because it was filled with adventures and characters galore.

Let me start with some thoughts on the pre-wedding beauty routine.

Brides are supposed to be beauteous. This is a given. The media tells us so. If you think you can just show up all chubby and pimply-faced for THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF YOUR LIFE, you better think again, little miss. Because as soon as that shiny ring from your betrothed is on your finger, people are going to start asking you questions.

Top question:
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Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Program

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Welcome to the new site!

Get cozy, look around, feel free to put your feet on the coffee table (I know it’s bad manners, but mine was only $25 at IKEA so I always do it anyway). It’s not terribly different from the Mistress of the Motor Pool website, so hopefully you won’t get lost. I’m still settling in, so if you see any bugs let me know. If they’re cute, anthropomorphic bugs I’ll befriend them and turn them into a mascot or license them to Pixar. Otherwise I’ll squash them. Or call an exterminator.

The main change you’ll notice is the blog’s name. I haven’t worked directly in a motor pool in a while now, so I felt the title had become somewhat misleading. My brigade technically still has a mistress of the motor pool, but she is tall, slender, and quite athletic, so we have somehow never been mistaken for one another. (I don’t understand it either.) Also I changed my name so my blog had to also. For solidarity’s sake. Continue reading

How to Have Hip Surgery

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I recently had hip surgery. To be precise, I am nine weeks post-op and I am tired and sore all the time. (I also no longer think in terms of months. My hip has become like an infant to me. It is nine weeks post-op. Not two-ish months since I had surgery. Nine weeks post-op. The damn thing is basically still in diapers, breastfeeding, and not sleeping through the night, okay?)

“What happened?!” people will ask when they see me crutching around.

“I had hip surgery,” I will reply.

For some, that’s enough. Others want more detail: “But what did you do to yourself?”

The short version is I got hurt doing a lot of hooah-hooah Army training that isn’t well-suited to someone with my body type (i.e. Hips Don’t Lie). I was subsequently misdiagnosed, ignored, and sort of half-treated by a stream of doctors, physical therapists, and technicians for three years, and I finally had surgery to repair the issue, which was that the bones in my hip joint were rubbing on each other and tearing up the cartilage. They shaved down the bone to make the femur rotate properly in the socket and repaired the torn labrum.

Ta-da! Good as new!

If your curiosity has been sated, then my story is over. If you would like to learn more about the broken Army healthcare system and the anatomy of the human hip, this is the long version: Continue reading