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How to Shop at Disney World

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If you like shopping and you love Disney, but you also enjoy a life in which you do not carry a balance on your credit card and would like to continue living with a roof over your head rather than a bridge, you might it difficult to shop in a reasonable manner while visiting The Most Magical Place on Earth.

Having recently experienced this most glorious form of First World torture, I have come up with four tips to assist others who may have likewise struggled with this issue.
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Rude Responses to Rude Questions

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Since getting married, I have been asked a lot of rude questions.

I was not really aware of it at first and just sort of fielded them as they came until I realized that certain questions were repeating themselves with increasing rudeness and frequency.

I have, therefore, come up with the following list:

RUDE ANSWERS TO RUDE QUESTIONS I HAVE BEEN ASKED SINCE GETTING MARRIED (with bonus reactions both internal and external)
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How to Have Hip Surgery

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I recently had hip surgery. To be precise, I am nine weeks post-op and I am tired and sore all the time. (I also no longer think in terms of months. My hip has become like an infant to me. It is nine weeks post-op. Not two-ish months since I had surgery. Nine weeks post-op. The damn thing is basically still in diapers, breastfeeding, and not sleeping through the night, okay?)

“What happened?!” people will ask when they see me crutching around.

“I had hip surgery,” I will reply.

For some, that’s enough. Others want more detail: “But what did you do to yourself?”

The short version is I got hurt doing a lot of hooah-hooah Army training that isn’t well-suited to someone with my body type (i.e. Hips Don’t Lie). I was subsequently misdiagnosed, ignored, and sort of half-treated by a stream of doctors, physical therapists, and technicians for three years, and I finally had surgery to repair the issue, which was that the bones in my hip joint were rubbing on each other and tearing up the cartilage. They shaved down the bone to make the femur rotate properly in the socket and repaired the torn labrum.

Ta-da! Good as new!

If your curiosity has been sated, then my story is over. If you would like to learn more about the broken Army healthcare system and the anatomy of the human hip, this is the long version: Continue reading

Three Wedding Lies (as told by Disney)

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I have fallen short on my promise to provide updates (as sort-of-kind-of promised here) concerning wedding planning this year, but life has been pretty hectic. Doing most of it myself, however, has taught me a thing or two about the wedding industry, confirming most of my suspicions about the racket they’ve got going. One thing I hadn’t thought about recently, though, were all the ridiculous things Disney sneakily slipped into their wedding scenes in their classic cartoons. Well I’m onto you now, Disney, Continue reading

Five Things I’m Over This Week

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Labor Day Weekend was delightful. Then I had to go back to work. And it was a looooong four-day week. I would like to briefly update you on the top five things I am quite finished with this week.

o People Who Have Deleted the Facebook Messenger App…AND WANT TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE KNOWS IT

I know a lot of people were up in arms about having two separate apps on their phone for Facebook when they first came out with the new messenger app. I actually didn’t mind it at first, because I thought maybe it would make the original app run more efficiently, cut down on glitches, solve world hunger, improve my vocabulary, and help me lose 30 pounds in 30 days! (Essentially, I really didn’t care.) But as I continued to use it, the messenger app became a digital thorn in my side. Continue reading